Seattle's Weather: Rainy with a Chance of Gloom

Seattle's weather is downright predictable. It's cloudy, rainy and cold year round. And what's equally as predictable is everyone's reaction to it...especially right now as the Spring sun starts poking through, teasing us with kayak wishes and barbecue dreams. 

Naturally because it's top of mind, it instantly becomes the most popular conversation topic.

“Howya been?”

“Oh, man....this weather...”

or

“What are you doing Saturday?”

“Well, if it wasn't for this weather...”

I never know how to react because I love the weather and would rather talk about how refreshing it is, or how the plants are so green and lush. 

But my cheer usually doesn't go over well, so I've learned just to change the topic. The success rate depends on who I'm speaking with. 

After much observation, I've pinpointed the top 4 Seattle-weather-complaining-types:

• Bubbling Ragers- They take the weather personally, and they are very angry about it.

• Awkward Pause Filllers- They can't think of anything else to say. We've all been there.

• Delicate Flowers- These people are very sensitive to all external forces, the weather being one of many.

• SAD Pandas-Victims of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Warning signs include pasty skin and dark under eye shadows. Rarely seen because often hibernating.

It's fascinating that there are so many ways to hate the weather, yet it's the bond that all Seatteites share.

I don't want to complain about complaining, but let me share what comes to mind when people start ranting and raving: in human relations, there is a continuum of quid pro quo. Everyone has an effect on someone else, just like a skipping stone sends ripples across the water. If positivity and negativity are both contagious, what are we spreading when we start bitching about the skies?

Besides, it's not like Mother Nature can respond in a meaningful way anyway... Well, unless you've got the money to seed the clouds.

Yes, Seattleites, we do have the right to talk about whatever we want, and yes, I support you getting it off your chest. But I also want to remind everyone that this is one of the most literate U.S. cities AND there are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language. Oh, imagine the convos that could be had!

The clouds may suck, but being a little proactive to satisfy personal needs could go a long way. We have to make sure we are getting the right amount of sleep, exercise, fresh air, and socializing to prevent SAD.  It's up to the individual to root out how to ease the pain—like planning a tropical island getaway, or maybe throwing an indoor luau...in which case I hope I get an invitation. ;)

Rainy or not—every day is a new day. There's only one chance to make it count.

P.S. LOVE this picture Gloom from redditor pentium4borg [karma].

"Mindful" by Mary Oliver

Today is a beautiful, sunny day in Seattle which means that everyone is flocking outdoors to soak it all in. To honor everyone's energy, here is one of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver.  

I'm off now to Volunteer Park where I'll be turning Oliver's words into reality. 

Every day

I see or hear

something

that more or less

kills me

with delight,

that leaves me

like a needle

in the haystack

of light.

It was what I was born for -

to look, to listen,

to lose myself

inside this soft world -

to instruct myself

over and over

in joy,

and acclamation.

Nor am I talking

about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,

the very extravagant - 

but of the ordinary,

the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.

Oh, good scholar,

I say to myself,

how can you help

but grow wise

with such teachings

as these -

the untrimmable light

of the world,

the ocean's shine,

the prayers that are made

out of grass?

(Why I Wake Early)

Compassion for Animals

Sunday evening I sat in front of a tree to enjoy the sunset.

A fat red-bellied bird sat down on a close branch and sang to me. After a couple of minutes, he was interrupted by a distant sound. I couldn't see bird #2, but I could tell it was pretty far away.

My serenader then responded with a series of high pitched tones.

Just like an answer. 

The flow of their communications made me giggle--the exchange sounded just like a human conversation.

Something like:

Bird 1: Skwaaa Skeee Skiii Skaaa....

Bird 2: Skwaaa.

Bird 1: Skiii Skaaa?

Bird 2: Skweeee!

And so on and so forth.

Maybe I was projecting, maybe I have a strong imagination, but it sounded like they were interrupting each other and cutting each other off. At times, I could see the little bird in front of me cock his head to an angle as he listened intently.

It made me think:

Animals are so similar to humans. They have families, cultures, and feelings just like we do. They are mentally and physically a lot like us, except they lack higher brain functioning.

We should really be nicer to them.

And not put them in zoos. 

How to Write Your Eulogy

Imagine this: you are in a funeral home surrounded by your friends, family and other familiar faces. It's decorated with your favorite flowers. The photo on display at the center of the room is your own. The program has your name on it. You died last week.

This exercise is from the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. 

Covey asks the reader to picture themselves at their own funeral and asks:

• What are they saying at your eulogy?

• How are they describing you?

• What kind of impact did you have on them?

Covey makes an interesting point: There are various roles we lead in life, and many relationships that we choose to foster. Do you want to be a loving parent, a prolific artist, a constructive community member, an effective activist, or a passionate  careerist? 


Keeping the end in mind might help us set our priorities today.

Covey says the next step is to take that list and actually make it real by blocking out time on the weekly calendar. How many hours, days, weeks, months, years will we put toward it? This is the true art of scheduling. 

When I did this exercise I learned that self-discovery isn't easy. It takes effort to articulate values and life goals—but they are definitely there, sometimes hidden in the subconscious. I sat down with pen and paper one day and thought long and hard about Covey's words. 

It took some time, but I pulled a few things to the surface and found the spots in my schedule to make it happen. That's why I volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters—and during my busy months when I can't devote as much time to them, I can at least spread the word,** which is just as valuable.


It's a deep question to sit with, but I'm glad I did. I straight up asked myself:

What do you want in life? And what do you plan to do about it?

**There are 600 littles on the waiting list hoping for a mentor...just in Puget Sound alone. 
Most of these children are boys who don't have a strong father figure in their lives, but there just aren't enough male volunteers. If you know someone who might be a great mentor, let them know. It doesn't take much, but it makes a huge impact. 

Self-Compassion: More Powerful Than You Think

                          "You really should be kind to yourself, 
                       and it'll actually be really healthy if you are." 

Check out this interview with Dr. Kristin Neff on compassion science and it's relationship to your self esteem.

Kudos to Dr. Neff at the University of Texas for pioneering this highly intuitive, yet much needed field.

Gettin' Back to Nature

Ahhh...the joys of modern industrialized life. There's even a meme that pokes fun at how spoiled we are:

As time passes, our world becomes more urbanized...and what's not urbanized becomes suburbanized. There are more buildings, vehicles, pollution, and fewer outdoor communal spaces. With all the privilege and convenience, I wonder: are we losing touch with nature?

Nature and humans used to share a deep bond. Aside from the fact that nature provides life force, the simple act of observing the natural world has driven math and science. It has inspired us to think and question why things happen the way they do—take great thinkers like DaVinci or Darwin for example. And with physics, humans have come up with some answers.

For me, long hikes teach me to appreciate and understand the value of life on earth. Enjoying nature—and soaking it all in—awakens my senses to the beauty of the trees, water, mountains, sky, and critters. Have you ever just layed on the grass and observed how the trees move in the wind? Those are my moments of zen.

But I'll admit, Seattle spoils me with easy to access gorgeous scenes from Mount Rainier to the Olympics.   

At Crystal Mountain with my best ski buddy/trad climber extraordinaire Lindsey. 

For my friends out there surrounded by the urban jungle, get creative. Go to a park or place a bird feeder at your window. Got any vacation time? May I suggest a couple of the most majestic places Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon.

The goal is to immerse ourselves in nature's grandeur. It's easy to fall in love with the outdoors, the hard part is just allocating the time and making it happen. But for me personally, it's worth it. Nature is our greatest gift, a gift we owe to ourselves, and a gift meant for sharing.  

Namaste

As a yoga newbie, I heard the word “Namaste” a lot, but never reeeally understood what it meant.

yoga cameo in the short film Everyday is a Journey (I'm in the grey pants)

Namaste means "I bow to you.” For the fellow linguistic nerds out there, it is derived from Sanskrit and combines two words, ‘Namaḥ’ and ‘te.’ Namaḥ means 'bow' or 'adoration' and te means 'to you.'

What a poetic concept—bowing to others with admiration.

My translation is, “I open my heart and bow to the magic inside of you (which is also inside me).”

It means seeing people clearly for what they truly are…as the miracles of life. The fact that we all beat the odds to get here—from the big bang to procreation—is truly awe-inspiring! Namaste goes deeper than just understanding that fact...it means cherishing it and relishing in its beauty. I'll definitely bow to that!

“Namaste” is also a good reminder to drop stereotypes and get to know them for who they really are.

Sure, that may not always be easy. Who hasn’t come across a rude person or an awkward situation? Who hasn’t been disappointed or hurt? Sh*t happens, but I view those bumps along the road as opportunities to exercise compassion. By taking a moment to pause, breathe, and actually say Namaste, I remember that everyone has faults (especially me).

When we accept our humanness and the humanness of others we relieve ourselves from carrying an unnecessary and stressful burden. It’s liberating.

Disclaimer: exercising compassion doesn’t mean we have to like everyone’s personality or put up with abuse. We luckily have the freedom to choose the people we enjoy. We can open up and learn from everyone who crosses the path.

So, to you my wonderful reader, I bow to you. I bow to the love, magic, and beauty inside of you. From the bottom of my heart to yours…Namaste.

3-10-12 edit: A Redditor offered their own interpretation of Namaste, which I also really like. "The spirit in me, sees, acknowledges, and bows to the spirit in you." [show Redditor Frost 57 some karma]

Work Life Balance

The Energy Project

Our inner worlds are constantly shifting. Like changing weather patterns, sometimes we feel high, sometimes we feel low. On top of that, the world “out there” is in a constant flux. So how do we center ourselves and stay grounded?

The answer is work-life balance.

I devote a little attention to the fundamental areas of life: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, to turbo charge my batteries and positively reinforce who I am.

And I don't compartmentalize—I realize that they are interconnected and neglecting one would  negatively  impact the others, affecting me overall. 

Sure it requires extra effort, but the pay off is I am more statisfied and energized to do the things that need to get done.

So how to do it? Something as little as forcing a lunch break makes a huge difference in my day, because my brain rewards me with being twice as effective and efficient once that break is over.

There's a greate quote from Teahouse of the August Moon, “I'm making peace with myself somewhere between my ambitions and my limitations. It's a step backward in the right direction.”

http://www.theenergyproject.com has a simple quiz that helps you conduct your own personal audit. Take the quiz and see if you are haphazardly sabotaging your happiness and productivity.

Instructions: for each true statement, give yourself 1 point.

Physical

1. I don't regularly get at least 7-8 hours of sleep and/or I often wake up feeling tired.
2. I frequently skip breakfast, or I settle for something that isn't particularly healthy.
3. I don't do cardiovascular training at least three times a week, and strength training at least twice a week.
4. I don't take regular breaks during the day to renew and recharge.
5. I often eat lunch at my desk, if I eat lunch at all.

Emotional

6. I frequently find myself feeling irritable, impatient or anxious at work, especially when demand is high.
7. I don't have enough time with my family and loves ones, and when I'm with them, I'm not always really with them.
8. I take too little time for the activities that I most deeply enjoy.
9. I rarely stop to express my appreciation to others or to savor and celebrate my accomplishments and blessings.
10. I often feel that my life is just a relentless set of demands I'm expected to meet and tasks I have to complete.

Mental

11. I have difficulty focusing on one thing at a time and I am easily distracted during the day, especially by email.
12. I spend much of my time reacting to immediate demands rather than focusing on activities with longer-term value and leverage.
13. I don't take enough time for reflection, strategizing and thinking creatively.
14. I rarely have any time when my mind is quiet and free of thoughts.
15. I often work on evening and weekends and/or I rarely take an email-free vacation.

Spiritual

16. I don't feel passionately committed to what I do.
17. I spend too little time at work doing what I do best and enjoy most.
18. There are significant gaps between what I say is important in my life and how I actually live.
19. My decisions at work are often more influenced by external demands than by a strong, clear sense of my own purpose.
20. I don't invest enough time and energy in making a positive difference to others and/or in the world.

Tally up the total and see where you lie:

• 17-20 Full out energy crisis
• 13-16 Imminent energy crisis
• 9-12 Significant energy deficit
• 5-8 Moderate energy deficit
• Below 5 Fully Energized

Are you satisfied with your score?

If your habits are undermining your satisfaction, why have you allowed that?

Be Your Own Hero

mctgarcia photography

I've adopted these words as a mantra to help me when my mind wanders into negativity land:

"We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, 

we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves. " 

-author Tom Robbins

With so many thoughts buzzing around inside our heads, we're bound to encounter a toxic thought or two. But how do we defend ourselves from ourselves?

Case in point: it's a sad fact that chauvinistic media has distorted how women view their bodies. But both women and men ruthlessly scrutinize themselves in front of the mirror. I've heard friends say, "I look fat, I'm getting old, I'm losing my hair,” even when it couldn't be farther from the truth. This loose talk seems harmless, but it seeps into our consciousness and dissolves our self esteem without us even realizing it.

Just because a negative thought exists, that doesn't make it true. We've got to get smarter about recognizing the inner trickster...that voice that makes excuses, plays con games, and tells us that we don't measure up. When an internal bully rolls around, we've gotta stay solid in who we are and ask, “What is it that I'm trying to measure up to anyway?”

My personal negativity cleanse has paid off for me. By training myself to disregard the bad and focus on the good, it's almost second nature. My goal is to embrace it all—good and bad, to love the world, love myself, feel good sometimes, feel bad sometimes, and appreciate everything for what it is: experience. Striving to be a good person gives me inner peace and I proudly am my own hero, my own mentor, my own knight in shining armor.

Don't be a dragon; be your own inspiration. Repeat that promise to yourself and maybe even hang a reminder on the mirror. Instead of dwelling on body image, let's all open our eyes to the beautiful people we truly are.  

Give & Receive

Pema Chodron writes in Start Where You Are,

"What you do for yourself—any gesture of kindness, any gesture of gentleness, any gesture of honesty and clear seeing toward yourself—will affect how you experience your world. 


In fact, it will transform how you experience the world. 


What you do yourself, 


you're doing for others, 


and what you do for others, 


you're doing for yourself."

A Tour of Awareness

What if I said that in this very moment, the true nature of reality might be hidden from you.

Sound strange? Good! Keep reading...

There are a growing number of innovators studying cognitive science and the effects of meditation on the brain, a discipline called Contemplative Neuroscience. 

There is a ton to read on the subject, but to give you a small flavor, let paraphrase my favorite thinker on this topic Jiddu Krishnamurti. He said that as human beings grow, we become conditioned to the world around us and we draw conclusions about the world, ourselves, and others. It's human nature to be assimilated by our environment, but sometimes we become so stubborn in our convictions that we distort reality through a clouded lens. Instead of confusing our feelings as absolute truth, we should investigate our external world as well as the inner self—to attain awareness.

To me, 'awareness' means reaching deep inside and opening the senses to the beauty all around. Here's my proposal for an interesting 2012 resolution. It starts now. Devote time to explore the inner self and question long held beliefs or doubts. And maybe even devote some time to learning more about how the brain works. You can start by checking out these enlightening videos from my brilliant friend. 

Called "A tour of awareness" Aditya Prasad's series explains how our brains may be distracting us from living an authentic, happy life. But hope is not lost! By training our brains to tune in via a simple technique called a “ping,” we can stop daydreaming our lives away and appreciate the moment for what it is. 

Video 1: http://youtu.be/JtoaEymb6a0

Video 2: http://youtu.be/ykzPyoYIVKo

Video 3: http://youtu.be/u6mvLFsP6vo

And Video 4 is currently in development!

About Aditya Prasad: This Google Engineer and psychology geek is blazing the trail for compassion science, studying neuroscience and meditation's relationship with empathy. He spent a summer living in a monastery and co-authored a paper on emotion regulation while volunteering at Stanford. He's an amazing person who inspires me with his intellect and compassion. 

An Unexpected Gift

My mom is my best friend. We share nearly everything: laughs, smiles, stories, ups and downs. She is a wise woman and I owe my identity to her.

These things have always been well known to me, but it didn't dawn on me until today just  how similar we truly are...

One thing I've always kept private is my passion for poetry. She knows I loved writing as a kid, but over the years I've struggled to maintain my voice. Chalk it up to focusing on work, being distracted by fun, and fear of putting myself out there.

Today on Christmas, I decided to reveal that unknown side of myself to my parents. I showed them some of my work as well as this very blog.

My mom listened intently, teared up with pride, and showered me with compliments. I was expecting that. :) But what she did next was a total surprise.  She got up and went to a kitchen drawer. She pulled out a private journal...and to my utter disbelief.... she read me HER poetry.

Beautiful, rhythmic, hidden lines I never even knew existed. Handwritten in a floral journal, marked up and dog eared from re-reads and revisions. All these years I have been struggling to nail down my style in a vacuum, scared to share it with anyone. And while I felt alone with my inspiration, the answer to my struggles was in front of me all along: in my loving mom, in my very own genes, in my family history. Ironically, it was intimate for the both of us and we been sharing in the same experience unknowingly for many years.

For those of you who understand Spanish, here is a special treat - Elvira Abate's first ever written poem with my translation below. I hope you are as inspired to follow your dreams as I am, and equally as  inspired to share those pursuits with your family. Family is really where the heart is.

Merry Christmas from the Abate Family.

Mi Tristeza 

 De esta vida
Al fin he podido rescatar
a mi alma dormida que
no queria despertar.

Despues de su letargo
ha podido comprobar que
tambien las amapolas
se cansan de esperar.

Que los perros lloran
cuando estan dormidos
y le duele el hambre
que tienen muchos ninos.

Me ha dicho que las
tumbas necesitan flores
?o a caso no vivieron  con lagrimas y amores?
o a caso no se fueron con lagrimas y honores.

De unas ella escucha
clamores de perdon
de seres que perdieron
su vida en el error.

De otros que vinieron
en total indiferencia
ahora es el silencio
su mas cruel penitencia.

---- Translation (which of course loses the rhythm and flow)----

My Sadness 

From my soul
finally I can rescue
my sleeping soul
that didn't want to wake.

After the lethargy
I finally realize
that even the poppies
get tired of waiting.

I now see that dogs cry while sleeping,
and it hurts that children go to bed hungry.

My soul is telling me
that the graves need flowers.
Perhaps they didn't come with tears and love.
Or perhaps they didn't leave with tears and honor.

For some of them I hear
cries for forgiveness
for souls that lost their lives in mistake.

For others that lived
in total indifference
now its the silence
which is the most cruel punishment.

NOW is the Time

The year end holidays are the most opportune time to express our love. What better moment than this to dig deep and pick up the phone?

It might be hard - people are busy, it might be awkward, we might not know what to say.

But in the grand scheme of things, those little doubts, fears and worries are insignificant.  I recently received tragic news from my best friend. Her little niece passed away without warning. When I heard, I was numb from shock. No words can express the pain or grief. And instead of answers, we are just left with questions.

 Death is life's most sobering lesson. My mind keeps going back to a song by The Flaming Lips called "Do You Realize?" Give it a listen and you'll hear the lyrics:

"Do you realize - that everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good times last.
You realize the sun doesn't go down
it's an illusion caused by the world spinning round."

I'm not trying to put a damper on the cheery holiday season, but I need to put things into perspective. During the  holidays, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to cherish these moments with every fiber within our beings.

 In memory of my friend's niece, our little angel, let's honor life through love.

Whoever we spend these holidays with - make it count. The same goes for anyone spending the holidays "alone" - you are not alone, you are with yourself. And you, yourself, should be equally as cherished.

 NOW is the time to say "I love you." Let's open our hearts and find the love and then verbalize it. Let's say it to our families, our friends, to ourselves in the mirror. Let's say it to whoever we can. While we can.

Catching life's curve balls

Let me share my greatest lesson from 2011: The joy of catching life's curve balls. With life's ups and downs, sometimes not getting what we want is a wonderful stroke of luck. 

There is a Chinese proverb 塞翁失馬 about a man who lost his horse (bad news), but then the horse returned with another beautiful horse (good news). Sadly, his son fell off the new horse and broke his leg (bad news) and couldn't get recruited into the army because of his injury (more bad news). During his recovery time, war broke out and most of the soldiers died in the war (horrific news), however since his son was safe at home with a broken leg he maintained his life (a blessing!). 

The moral of the story is there is no such thing as good news or bad news, just the ebb and flow of life. 

When misfortune strikes, I know first hand how easy it is to get caught up in a web of disappointment, frustration, and sadness. But I've learned a very important 4-letter word: next. As in, "This job ended? NEXT!" or "This relationship ended? NEXT!"

Change is constant. Everything has a life cycle–birth, existence, and death. When it comes time to let go of something or someone you cherish, there's no getting around the pain. But people who are loving, optimistic, and grateful will always rise above. They have the strength to seize the opportunity and catch that wild curve ball.

In honor of 塞翁失馬, I dug up a picture from Halloween 2006 a week after I moved to Seattle. I had never been to Seattle, but the move was encouraged by my wonderful friend Lauren who promised I would love it.  That Halloween, I was a Cowgirl to honor my hometown San Antonio, Texas, and Lauren dressed as my noble steed. 5 years later after going through both good times and bad, I am exactly where I need to be.  Which proves you never know what gifts your horse may bring. 

Deconstructing Fear

What makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end? Or your palms sweat? Gives you nightmares? Everyone's at least a little scared of something whether its heights, snakes, the dentist, or your Aunt Mildred's kisses.

From a scientific standpoint and contrary to public opinion, fear isn't just driven by raw emotion. It's an evolutionary response aimed at avoiding danger. You've probably heard the phrase “fight or flight” for the choice we all face: stand or run. But in reality, we don't just have an “either or” decision. When facing something unpleasant, we can also choose to understand. For me personally, I've learned that by understanding my fears, I'm in essence better understanding myself. But first the back story...

It starts with an irrational phobia of drowning. Which is completely silly becase I swam at the neighborhood pool every summer growing up. With each passing year, I somehow convinced myself that the neighboorhood pool is the only safe place to swim, and that my upper body strength couldn't handle other natural bodies of water like oceans, lakes or rivers. Currents meant surefire death.

Here I am clinging to life with 2 floaties and a life jacket. 

Finally after about 15 years, it was time to prove myself right or wrong. I enrolled in swimming classes and decided to conquer Lake Crescent.

The result: pride. Confidence. Amusement at how silly my fear was. It was only when I embraced the risk of drowning that I realized my only true fear was...me. I was the one holding myself back with insecurity and shame. Only I had the power to change; only I could end the torment.

We all share very diverse and complicated fears. Overcoming them may not be nearly as simple as in my example, but an attempt to at least understand can mean progress and healing. But where to start? Deconstructing fear means unburying it, which takes energy, hard work, and pain. Only you can decide whether it's worth it, and only you can figure out the process.

In my case, I'm taking baby steps. Swimming was my first deliberate hurdle. Now that I've tested the waters, it's time to apply my learning onward to more complex fears. In the school of Me, I happily graduate to the next level.  

If today were the first and last day of your life...

Celebrate Thanksgiving by watching this beautiful TED talk from Louie Schwartzberg.

There's an inspiring quote I'll be mulling over as I share a delicious meal with friends, "If you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well."

A Postcard from the Crossroads

Doubt is good. It makes us step back and re-evaluate. It forces a pause so we either move forward with confidence or take a detour.

Thanks to doubt, I am now at my own personal fork in the road. Almost like clockwork, it marks my fifth year in Seattle and is a couple years shy of turning thirty. So I'm taking time out to figure out what my next move will be. Should I stay or should I go? Tough to answer because my late twenties has brought renewed perspective. 


It's odd...young adulthood can be liberating or stressful. We're free to do as we please, yet under societal pressure to establish the rest of our lives: find someone to love, start a career, buy a home, have kids.

I'm focusing on my career and postponing "settling down" for as long as I can (to my parent's disappointment), but I wonder...When did you realize you were no longer an adolescent but a full-fledged adult? I don't think having a family or buying a house has anything to do with it. It has more to do with when you realize that time is finite. Teenagers think they're immortal; adults want to make every moment count.

It's funny how tradition dictates we celebrate Sweet 16 or Quinceañera when the age 30 shift is waaaay more a coming of age. It's when we ask, “What have I done so far in my life? Where do I go from here? Is this the right direction? Am I being authentic to myself?”

Thankfully age is just a number. People have and will continue to shift careers, find true love, or establish families at any age, even late in life. But it takes courage to reassess your life and change direction along the way.

I cherish the privilege to set my own course and while I can't predict where it may lead, I am inspired to travel it. And above all, I look forward to affirming that path (or changing it) at the crossroads.

Can Irrational Love be Rationalized?

Sometimes, love doesn’t make any sense.

Have you ever fallen in love so deeply that common sense flew out the window?  Were you able to tame your emotions? Or restrain your actions?

 

Based on personal experience, giving into whim and riding the whirlwind can be fun. But now after all the heartache I’ve found or caused, I’ve finally learned how to love intentionally. I don’t mean forcing love... the most rewarding love can cross our paths when we least expect it. I’m talking about being intentional about who you commit to. And deliberately sustaining that love with conscious choice. 

   

There’s a passage from a Psychology Today article that’s been burned into my memory:

"Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. [But] evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others."

So true. We face difficult choices every day—and decisions of the heart are often clouded by emotion. Why is it that we spend so much time thinking about careers or investments, but then settle with the first person that meets the bare minimum requirements? For me love is less about  serendipity than it is about exploring my own cognitive, emotional, and physical needs. Only when I fully knew myself was I finally able to navigate a crowd and wisely pick the person who is—not perfect—but perfect for me.

And I’m learning that when the dynamic between two people syncs up, it makes sustaining that love easier and worthwhile. It took a pause and a series of continual pauses—a pause to discern the right person from the wrong, and continued pauses to choose the right behaviors over the detrimental. It may require more effort in the interim, but can make all the difference between a life of happiness and a life of misery.

Love is a mystery. It can’t be explained, and I wouldn’t dare try. All I know is there will be a day when my life comes to an end and I want to have loved my partner as passionately as possible. As The Head and the Heart touchingly put it, “Just wanna die with the one I love beside me.” 

Keeping it Real

I have selfish reasons for wanting you to be satisfied with the life you're living. It’s my belief system that the world is a better place when its inhabitants are content and fulfilled. Especially because we all affect this world and the people in it: our ideas spread like wildfire and our actions affect the ecosystem. I think the old adage, “To each his own” should be tweaked to “To each his own  and then some.”  

We play two roles, first as individuals and second as a part of the collective. I think it’s important to balance both perspectives and find harmony between the two. So in other words, determine our own paths as individuals with regard to how we impact the rest of the world. I think it starts with figuring out what “life satisfaction” means, and then figuring out the way to live a fulfilled life while making the rest of the world happy too.

Here’s a living breathing example. Klauus Thymann is a photographer who keeps it real—no digital retouching, no photo shopping. He says: “I’m a fashion photographer, but I won’t photograph girls who are too skinny or who look too young. You have to recognize you’re part of an opinion-making machine.”

I love this for more than a few reasons:

1.       He’s being conscientious about his values and refuses to sellout in order to make it big in the fashion industry. He’s taking a risk, but to him it’s a risk worth taking.

2.       He inspires me and others to re-think current views on beauty and the unhealthy state of the “opinion-making machine.” It is not okay to pressure models into anorexia, and look down upon normal sized women. Opinion-making machines are created, and can also be destroyed.

So who determines the status quo anyway? The most common way isn’t necessarily the right way, but it  starts with each of us. If we can all push ourselves to find win/win situations—ways to make yourself happy and people across the planet happy as well—then you have beaten the zero-sum game. You can be confident in yourself, your values, and your decisions regardless of the critics. 

Self reflection

Americans are busy. We’re busy because of our over-scheduled, hyper-networked lives. We’re under constant pressure to get things done and waging a constant war with ADD.

Tell me, what’s difference between being busy and being burned out?

I’m slowly learning that when I neglect what’s brewing inside, everything outside suffers. I’m not just talking about my productivity, but the stuff that really matters—like relationships, self-confidence and health.

Do we ever take the time to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “What the hell are my values, what are my emotional, material and intellectual needs?”  I’m talking about dropping the charade and looking past what we’ve been conditioned to believe. I’m talking about a good reckoning with the self.  

For many of us, this is easier said than done. And then when I think I've got it all figured out, I have to work hard to remind myself. 


There are so many distractions...I find it hard to focus on what I call my values (other may call it the spirit, the qi, the self). Call it whatever you want, but if we don't acknowledge it and explore it, we won't live our lives as fully as possible.

Our belief systems and our thoughts ultimately dictate our actions, priorities and how we live our lives. So if we suppress our thoughts or emotions (or even worse never figure out our belief systems in the first place) then what kind of life can we lead? Or should I say…whose life are we leading?

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Combat the Seattle Freeze with Vulnerability and Love

On the heels of Valentine’s Day, let’s celebrate love by watching this TEDx talk about vulnerability and human connection.  Basically, we gotta take risks and put ourselves out there if we want to get something back.

This principle applies to all aspirations—whether it’s deeper relationships, work success, or other personal goals—we need to overcome the negative voices in our heads and just go after it.

This all makes me think about the "Seattle Freeze." A term coined because Seattleites are supposedly superficially nice, but unwilling to make authentic connections. It impacts making friends and dating and is often blamed on seasonal affective disorder (SAD), the tech industry’s nerdy tendencies, and/or the Northwest’s cultural roots.

I’m not sure if the Seattle Freeze exists....(aren't people like that in any major city?) Those who buy into the Seattle Freeze are making the assumption that people are cold and I wonder about the placebo effect. If we approach people a predetermined mindset, are we signing off on our own destiny?

Being lonely is a natural human condition. When I moved to Seattle, I felt lonely. I spent the time I needed feeling sorry for myself and shed a few tears, but then I put together an action list. I outlined what kind of friends I hoped for, what kind of friend I wanted to be, and put together a plan to bridge my expectations to reality. And sure enough, it paid off.

Here’s how I continue to combat the Seattle Freeze:

1. Breaking the ice goes a long way. The awkwardness only exists in our heads. I'm usually the first to open up the conversation, and people usually reciprocate. And if not, they aren’t worth the time.
2. We have an unconscious bias to surround ourselves with people like us, but that limits opportunities. I talk to everyone, especially those who seem different because those friendships are often the most rewarding.
3. I smile when seeing people I recognize and am honest. Even though I'm forgetful, I always get a positive reaction when I say, “I know you, forgive me, but please remind me what your name is."

Yes, being loved means being vulnerable, but we’re all in the same boat so it's okay. The risks are worth it.

Maybe Math Ain't So Bad After All

Learning is not so much about obtaining new facts, but rather discovering new ways of thinking, or pushing yourself beyond what you already know.  

When lived in Taipei and studied Mandarin Chinese intensively, I never felt so mentally sharp and on. I guess my brain was working overtime being immersed and that forced me to adapt…quickly.  

Fast forward to now. I’m looking for a new way to stretch my mind. Instead of learning something new entirely, I’m toying with a different idea: push my math limits.

Yep, I’ve never been a math girl; I’m more of the creative type. I was just never motivated as a kid—it just always seemed so boring and unforgiving. I couldn’t stand the fact that you’re either right or wrong and that’s it.

But I’m starting to change my mind about math because of its role in physics. I love how scientists discovered planets similar to Earth by using a telescope and math (the radial velocity technique where they figure out the size and mass of a planet by alterations to its orbit due to gravity).

Math’s evolution is poetic. It took generations to build a foundation and then expand from there—and according to this Radio Lab, math is not innate. Someone first invented counting, and then someone else found negative numbers, and then came fractions, imaginary and irrational numbers and more. As society and our thinking evolved, so did mathematical patterns.  

Fast forward to now. We’re at the point of turning our heads toward space and finding new uses for math.  It’s all about pushing the boundaries of what we know, and looking at challenges with optimism. And that’s not boring at all.

So it’s hard to hate math like I used to. A little optimism and a good eraser make all the difference. 

our big (and small) space

We’re creatures of habit, consumed by routine, heads down until there’s a reason to look up. But just look up at the night sky. There’s nothing quite like it to put things into perspective and make a person feel very insignificant.

I’m currently addicted to space documentaries. I’m amazed by the scientists who try to figure out how this whole mystery works. Humans have an amazing gift—the curiosity and capability to learn about our world and our place in it.

Ironically the more we know, the more we realize we don’t know. And the few answers we have only lead to more questions. Black holes? Dark matter? Multiverses? Do we have an infinite number of selves repeating actions endlessly through time or hovering millimeters invisibly away?

It’s like we’re small children observing the nursery, making assumptions based on our limited perspective and discovering the unexpected. Obviously our quest for knowledge won’t be over anytime soon.

When it comes down to it, we are at least the center of our own universe. I guess we’re both—small and big at the same time—small in the context of the universe, but big in the story of our lives. And thus we transcend any notion about time and space.

So size doesn’t really matter now, does it? It’s just a matter of perspective. 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Amazingly, surgeons replaced a woman’s larynx allowing her to independently speak, breathe and smell after more than a decade. Her gratitude in the story inspired me. She said, "It's just been a really, really unbelievable experience smelling freshly cut grass. The air, breathing the air. Taking your garbage out—that's a real good smell."

I can totally relate. Back in July I had a painful eye injury that left me blind for 2 weeks. The ordeal made me realize: 

• How I had taken my vision (and my whole health) for granted
• The amazing capabilities of the human body
• That medical science is the bomb
• My friends  and family are amazing, and how dependent I am upon their love and support
• That it's not the end of the world if I were to lose my vision. Sure, I would have to re-learn how to live and function, but I could and would readjust. 

Talk about a reset—any other little worries or anxieties I had before the accident instantly disappeared with new context. And even now just being able to see the words I write at this very moment overwhelms me. It’s amazing to stop taking things for granted.

All of this reminds me of another article on how time speeds up as we get older for the very same reason—we start taking things for granted. As a kid, when things happen for the first time, they are new and novel and we pause to soak in the magnificence. As desensitized adults, we allow things to start passing us by.

My favorite philosopher Krishnamurti touches on this topic very nicely in one of his speeches. He said, “Awaken all your senses to their highest degree so that you look at the world with all your senses… Man has become dull through repetition, through tradition, through the oppression…You have gradually lost all sensitivity, all energy to create…[To have] the drive, the beauty, one must have great sensitivity. You cannot have great sensitivity if every sense is not fully functioning, fully aware.”

So just how would waking all of your senses affect you? How would looking at everything around you with renewed appreciation change your life? For me, I’ve found a lot of benefit in re-evaluating my world…and it’s simply added perspective that brings positivity and energy.  

The challenge is just how to stop taking the things for granted. When I asked myself how can I personally become fully conscious, I remembered that song lyric, “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.” So for those of you blessed with the following, here’s an exercise to help cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

• Vision: What would your life be like without eyes? Who would you miss seeing among your family or friends? What visual treats—art, sunsets, movies, puppies, would you miss most?
• Speech: What if you couldn't say "I love you?"
• Smell: What smells of people, food, or nature would you yearn for?
• Hearing: What sounds/music/voices would you miss most?
• Mobility: How would not having hands or legs affect you?

And remember that if any of these things were to happen, your life wouldn’t be over, you would be reborn. You would view the world with new perspective.