The Ultimate Release

What if you could instantly free yourself from all personal hang ups? In other words...

With one finger snap, you could instantly undo any past mistakes. Melt away any regret, any pain.

What would you gain? What might you lose?

Would you hit that reset button?

What an opportunity! First, my mind raced to all the amazing things I could do free from anxiety and defense mechanisms. I'd have fresh eyes for any situation, try everything, and master anything.

Sounds perfect!

But...wait. There's a catch.

If I deleted all my past mistakes and the grief that went along with it, who would I be?

Life unfurls as a series of continuous moments. There wasn't a huge leap from childhood to now. That includes every single moment... both the happy and the sad.

Looking back, the biggest challenges I've faced have been the most rewarding gateways for personal growth. If I hit that reset button, I would be a shadow of who I am today.

That's when I realized the truest “ultimate release” can't come from erasing (or denying) the past.

A real release comes from tearing down the walls that have been built up and embracing our toughest moments. It means visiting the darkest corners of our soul to examine what we've learned. And celebrating the resilience, strength and wisdom that goes along with it.

When we see our true nature clearly, then we realize that we are perfect just the way we are. 

Catching life's curve balls

Let me share my greatest lesson from 2011: The joy of catching life's curve balls. With life's ups and downs, sometimes not getting what we want is a wonderful stroke of luck. 

There is a Chinese proverb 塞翁失馬 about a man who lost his horse (bad news), but then the horse returned with another beautiful horse (good news). Sadly, his son fell off the new horse and broke his leg (bad news) and couldn't get recruited into the army because of his injury (more bad news). During his recovery time, war broke out and most of the soldiers died in the war (horrific news), however since his son was safe at home with a broken leg he maintained his life (a blessing!). 

The moral of the story is there is no such thing as good news or bad news, just the ebb and flow of life. 

When misfortune strikes, I know first hand how easy it is to get caught up in a web of disappointment, frustration, and sadness. But I've learned a very important 4-letter word: next. As in, "This job ended? NEXT!" or "This relationship ended? NEXT!"

Change is constant. Everything has a life cycle–birth, existence, and death. When it comes time to let go of something or someone you cherish, there's no getting around the pain. But people who are loving, optimistic, and grateful will always rise above. They have the strength to seize the opportunity and catch that wild curve ball.

In honor of 塞翁失馬, I dug up a picture from Halloween 2006 a week after I moved to Seattle. I had never been to Seattle, but the move was encouraged by my wonderful friend Lauren who promised I would love it.  That Halloween, I was a Cowgirl to honor my hometown San Antonio, Texas, and Lauren dressed as my noble steed. 5 years later after going through both good times and bad, I am exactly where I need to be.  Which proves you never know what gifts your horse may bring. 

Planning for a Rainy Day

I heard a story on the radio today. To summarize for you:

After two miscarriages and a severely complicated pregnancy that ended in abortion, a woman gave up.  It was a devastating experience to share with her husband.  One minute filled with hope as a mother-to-be, the next…overwhelmed with empty grief. And she couldn’t take it anymore. So she and her husband decided to accept life sans children.

With time, they began to focus on their new life as a childless couple—going to happy hours, hosting dinner parties, planning exotic vacations.

And then totally unplanned (even on the pill)…she got pregnant.

You’d think she’d be happy, right? No. She was angry.

She went to a therapist to dissect the anger and said, “I’m upset because this pregnancy wasn’t in the plan.”

To which her therapist replied, “What are plans really, but figments of our imagination? People make plans to give themselves the illusion that they can control the unknown. But each moment unravels regardless of your plans.”

This made her think of her past plans. All the past plans that she had made for her deceased children never came to fruition and she couldn’t handle it. It was hard to let go. In the end, she did give birth and before I turned off the radio she said, “Loss makes you appreciate what you have.”

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For me, this story perfectly captures pain’s complex power.

People make plans to avoid pain and become happy. I acknowledge that planning is a survival skill that works in my favor—it helps me prepare for the winter or plan for my future.

But can planning also work against me? If I get lost in planning and define my life in terms of milestones, how could I ever truly enjoy the present? There’s got to be balance between planning for success and then letting go of expectations.

Now switch it up.  Say I undergo great loss and am suffering like the woman in the radio segment. The last thing I would ever want to do is fully embrace the moment. I mean, if the moment is painful who wants to fully absorb that?

But when you deny the moment and the pain, those feelings don’t just go away….they end up manifesting in other areas of your life.  They affect your relationships, your health, your sleep, your well-being.  

Frankly, I became a lot happier the moment I decided to live day by day. Whether that day is peaceful or painful, that doesn’t matter to me because it just IS. And there’s always beauty to be seen.