Radical Acceptance

Over the past 6 months, the media machines dominated our psyches with finger pointing and petty drama. And then election day came and went...leaving  behind the bitter sting of rivalry.

Now people (among both parties) are frustrated and feeling all the more divided.

Once in motion, the blame game is hard to unwind.



But our country is still facing plenty of serious systemic issues: job growth, education, environment, public health, and global diplomacy.

Sadly, there isn't a magic wand or fairy godmother to fix it. How will we ever mature enough to swallow our pride and move on for new solutions?

The only cure is a strong dose of radical acceptance.

No, don't worry—I'm not straight up saying accept Barack Obama as president and get over it. My call for acceptance is a call to meet in the middle. It means striking balance. It means transcending political agendas to create new game-changing strategies.

In the ideal scenario, we'd learn from setbacks, survey the situation as it changes, take a different approach if necessary, and evolve. No, this isn't easy. It's complex and can only be done via collaboration (with clear thinking and sans judgement).

And who cares if a solution comes from a democrat, a republican, a 15 year old, or a transient? What matters is: what works and how can we implement it?

Clearly, the world has changed drastically, and the institutions of yester year out of touch. Here's a great article by Maureen Dowd in the NY Times describing just how out of sync our politicians are.

Our bureacratic systems need to hurry to pick up the pace. There's no crystal ball and we're guaranteed to hit bumps along the way. But that's okay because growth hurts.

An example of good government. Seattle Mayor McGinn hosts town halls around the community (including the poorest) to learn about issues affecting the people. And actually does something about it.  

Our definition of radical acceptance should be to give the basic respect for other points of view, and not dismiss them simply because they go against the grain. We need to recognize that there are issues we will never agree on, but we each have a right to autonomy and the right to an opinion (but not all opinions are smart opinions).

On this fundamental foundation of respect, we can bring down walls to bring out the best in each other.  And by doing that, then we can discover the third way which isn't my way  or your way... it's the BEST way.

Even with our differences, we're still one huge dysfunctional family. As my Uncle Jim says, “You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your relatives.” Well, at least we can agree on that!

Why People Act the Way They Do

me: Why do you dress up as a scary clown? him: Why do you find me scary?

We're all guilty of it...At some point or another, we've questioned/analyzed/scrutinized someone else's behavior. Probably because that person's behavior seemed (at the time), well...totally irrational.

So we ask ourselves, "What were they thinking?" or “Why did they do that?" or "How could they have done that?"

The reality is...we'll never reeeally know, because those questions are unanswerable. How could we possibly ever understand another human's motivations when so few of us even understand our own?

To even begin to scratch the surface, there are so many factors at play:

• Upbringing
• Handling change 
• Conflict resolution
• Cultural background 
• Neurons firing (or misfiring) 
• Levels of advertising/media consumption 

To make things even more complicated, there are pieces of our identities that lie deep within, maybe even hidden away from the conscious self.

Someone recently told me a good example of how this plays out. He said, “If you ask me why I bought a Mercedes Benz, I won't say it's because my ego demanded it. I won't say it because I'm probably not even aware that my ego is driving me. The logical part of my brain will step in and make me buy a used one, and that will make me feel better about the decision and distract me.”

There's also the rich tapestry of personal experience, from which springs varying interpretations of reality.  It all comes down to that fact that human experience greatly differs from person to person.

Man, are we complicated! Fully figuring each other out doesn't seem possible anytime soon (unless we learn the Vulcan Mind Meld).

But depsite all of these intricate innerworkings, what blows my mind most is how well humans get along.

We live in cities and work in corporations. We communicate, live in harmony, and create masterpieces. Humans come together for mastery and fulfillment. It seems like achieving harmonic balance in relationships enables people to do more, whereas misalignment holds us back.

I guess, in the end, we don't really need answers to those unanswerable “why” questions, because that's just the way things are. What's more important is valuing healthy relationships and working toward healthier interactions between people.

That's the sweet spot because that's where inspiration lives.

Work Life Balance

The Energy Project

Our inner worlds are constantly shifting. Like changing weather patterns, sometimes we feel high, sometimes we feel low. On top of that, the world “out there” is in a constant flux. So how do we center ourselves and stay grounded?

The answer is work-life balance.

I devote a little attention to the fundamental areas of life: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, to turbo charge my batteries and positively reinforce who I am.

And I don't compartmentalize—I realize that they are interconnected and neglecting one would  negatively  impact the others, affecting me overall. 

Sure it requires extra effort, but the pay off is I am more statisfied and energized to do the things that need to get done.

So how to do it? Something as little as forcing a lunch break makes a huge difference in my day, because my brain rewards me with being twice as effective and efficient once that break is over.

There's a greate quote from Teahouse of the August Moon, “I'm making peace with myself somewhere between my ambitions and my limitations. It's a step backward in the right direction.”

http://www.theenergyproject.com has a simple quiz that helps you conduct your own personal audit. Take the quiz and see if you are haphazardly sabotaging your happiness and productivity.

Instructions: for each true statement, give yourself 1 point.

Physical

1. I don't regularly get at least 7-8 hours of sleep and/or I often wake up feeling tired.
2. I frequently skip breakfast, or I settle for something that isn't particularly healthy.
3. I don't do cardiovascular training at least three times a week, and strength training at least twice a week.
4. I don't take regular breaks during the day to renew and recharge.
5. I often eat lunch at my desk, if I eat lunch at all.

Emotional

6. I frequently find myself feeling irritable, impatient or anxious at work, especially when demand is high.
7. I don't have enough time with my family and loves ones, and when I'm with them, I'm not always really with them.
8. I take too little time for the activities that I most deeply enjoy.
9. I rarely stop to express my appreciation to others or to savor and celebrate my accomplishments and blessings.
10. I often feel that my life is just a relentless set of demands I'm expected to meet and tasks I have to complete.

Mental

11. I have difficulty focusing on one thing at a time and I am easily distracted during the day, especially by email.
12. I spend much of my time reacting to immediate demands rather than focusing on activities with longer-term value and leverage.
13. I don't take enough time for reflection, strategizing and thinking creatively.
14. I rarely have any time when my mind is quiet and free of thoughts.
15. I often work on evening and weekends and/or I rarely take an email-free vacation.

Spiritual

16. I don't feel passionately committed to what I do.
17. I spend too little time at work doing what I do best and enjoy most.
18. There are significant gaps between what I say is important in my life and how I actually live.
19. My decisions at work are often more influenced by external demands than by a strong, clear sense of my own purpose.
20. I don't invest enough time and energy in making a positive difference to others and/or in the world.

Tally up the total and see where you lie:

• 17-20 Full out energy crisis
• 13-16 Imminent energy crisis
• 9-12 Significant energy deficit
• 5-8 Moderate energy deficit
• Below 5 Fully Energized

Are you satisfied with your score?

If your habits are undermining your satisfaction, why have you allowed that?