Doubt is good. It makes us step back and re-evaluate. It forces a pause so we either move forward with confidence or take a detour.
Thanks to doubt, I am now at my own personal fork in the road. Almost like clockwork, it marks my fifth year in Seattle and is a couple years shy of turning thirty. So I'm taking time out to figure out what my next move will be. Should I stay or should I go? Tough to answer because my late twenties has brought renewed perspective.
It's odd...young adulthood can be liberating or stressful. We're free to do as we please, yet under societal pressure to establish the rest of our lives: find someone to love, start a career, buy a home, have kids.
I'm focusing on my career and postponing "settling down" for as long as I can (to my parent's disappointment), but I wonder...When did you realize you were no longer an adolescent but a full-fledged adult? I don't think having a family or buying a house has anything to do with it. It has more to do with when you realize that time is finite. Teenagers think they're immortal; adults want to make every moment count.
It's funny how tradition dictates we celebrate Sweet 16 or Quinceañera when the age 30 shift is waaaay more a coming of age. It's when we ask, “What have I done so far in my life? Where do I go from here? Is this the right direction? Am I being authentic to myself?”
Thankfully age is just a number. People have and will continue to shift careers, find true love, or establish families at any age, even late in life. But it takes courage to reassess your life and change direction along the way.
I cherish the privilege to set my own course and while I can't predict where it may lead, I am inspired to travel it. And above all, I look forward to affirming that path (or changing it) at the crossroads.
It's odd...young adulthood can be liberating or stressful. We're free to do as we please, yet under societal pressure to establish the rest of our lives: find someone to love, start a career, buy a home, have kids.
I'm focusing on my career and postponing "settling down" for as long as I can (to my parent's disappointment), but I wonder...When did you realize you were no longer an adolescent but a full-fledged adult? I don't think having a family or buying a house has anything to do with it. It has more to do with when you realize that time is finite. Teenagers think they're immortal; adults want to make every moment count.
It's funny how tradition dictates we celebrate Sweet 16 or Quinceañera when the age 30 shift is waaaay more a coming of age. It's when we ask, “What have I done so far in my life? Where do I go from here? Is this the right direction? Am I being authentic to myself?”
Thankfully age is just a number. People have and will continue to shift careers, find true love, or establish families at any age, even late in life. But it takes courage to reassess your life and change direction along the way.
I cherish the privilege to set my own course and while I can't predict where it may lead, I am inspired to travel it. And above all, I look forward to affirming that path (or changing it) at the crossroads.
I agree that 30 seems to be the biggest shift and "coming of age" for most people. I have found in my experience that in many cases it's not even about the accumulation of experience and adulthood, that's only the case for the conscious group of friends.
ReplyDeleteFor the other groups, and I would even dare to say the main stream of society, their realizations are sparked from the number itself. The fact that they are not in their 20's combined with their reflection in the mirror compared to the current youth in their 20's. I've come across this reflection more in women than men. After having these thoughts there seems to be a few paths I see people go down depending on if they're using an optimistic or pessimistic view.
1) The realization that they must focus more on developing their personality to be an adult with good morals, values, judgement and build themselves a life.
2) They begin to chase youth. This can be good or bad. They exercise, and eat right to get in the best shape of their life on one side or they begin surgical procedures to make themselves look younger.
3) They decide they need to be in a relationship, get married and have kids. Some react by dating more other can become frantic feeling as if the clock is ticking. I know one woman that went as far as contemplating getting pregnant from one of the men she was seeing. Two months later after our conversation she was pregnant.
4) The saddest path is for the beautiful people that especially got most of their attention from their looks. If they haven't developed an attractive, warm personality to be around and instead floated through life in their 20's on looks then they could have an emotional melt down. I've seem some of these people become very pessimistic as they fail to realize why the invites to events, parties, etc... slow down and fade out. The best outcome for these people is to realize #1 and start self-developing. The worst case is where they begin being ostracized by social groups and have to float from one to the next meanwhile latching onto the people or social groups that will put up with them. Church or another welcoming group can be great places for these people.
Obviously there are more paths or combinations of realizations that people go through but those are the ones I have encountered often in my personal experiences getting to know and understand the people around me.
Thanks for the post Bianca!
my love, this just touched my heart. “What have I done so far in my life? Where do I go from here? Is this the right direction? Am I being authentic to myself?" I just recently made a lot of changes, including my love life. Just because I started having my doubts. I wish you were here by me. I need your wisdom. Ming x
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