What if You Had a Stroke of Insight?

Sometimes, we get so caught up in the daily grind that we forget what could or might be.

Sometimes, we get so jaded that we forget to ask, "What's my life purpose?"

Sometimes, we get so burnt out... we lose touch with each other, thus losing touch with ourselves.



What matters most?

What's the bigger picture?

What's the shared human experience?



I love this TedTalk by brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor.

Check it out and share in her experience of having a stroke. And listen to the revelations it brought about.


Does such a traumatic event have to occur in order to wake up to what truly matters?

Hopefully not, or else it might be too late.

Brain Reflections

Poet Emily Dickinson once wrote:

Sparknotes translates Dickinson's poem as:

“[It's about] the mind’s capacity to absorb, interpret, and subsume perception and experience. 

The brain is wider than the sky despite the sky’s awesome size 

because the brain is able to incorporate the universe into itself,  

and thereby even to absorb the ocean. 

The source of this capacity, in this poem, is God.”

This poem makes me think about how the human brain is so complex...its capacity for understanding is so impressive.

Over the course of hundreds of millions of years, it evolved tailored by the environment, and we developed handy tools like feelings, learning, and memory. 

Then after humans evolved a questioning brain, they naturally began searching for answers to the  mysteries around them. But to what end?

In a book called Chess Metaphors, author Diego Rasskin-Gutman says,

"During the last 30 thousand years (at least), the human species has incessantly questioned its own nature and it's position within the universe—an overwhelmingly empty enterprise because of the paucity of valid answers and always led by a search for religious meaning.   

Little by little, this search has been stripped of its divine sense as attitudes evolved through the influence of the scientific community and by the transformation of societies in modern nation-states. 

Thus, a huge role has been played by scientists:

•  Copernicus and Galileo showed that we are not the center of the universe, 
• Darwin recognized the animal with our being,
• Freud placed consciousness at the center of the scientific quest,
•  and Einstein equated matter with energy and showed nature's dependence on point of view."

It's all about perspective.

And the evolution of not only our brains, but of our shared experience.

How one defines God is a very personal journey, but the collective pursuit of that definition influences our relationship with the world and our relationships with each other.

Any path taken is both personal and shared. Am I open and feel awe? Am I closed and feel fear? Am I confused?

So then why is Western society so "mum's the word" about the discovery of a higher truth in the secular context?

I very much respect Dickinson for expressing her inner reflections via poetry, like past poets Rumi and 寒山.

In Dickinson's opinion, the mind is a manifestation of God, or the individual is an instrument of God. 

[here's a little poem response dedicated to her]

----

hey, brain. 

you may be wider than the sky...

swallowing endlessly 

for total absorption

but why

resist the ocean's deafening roar

participate with silence

Then witness 

the love within 

-also boundless-

our own reflection(s).

simple reflection.

----

Optical Delusions

An optical delusion is when you see things as you want them to be, not as they truly are. 

Humans make excuses, overlook things that shouldn't be overlooked, hold onto optimism or pessimism, fall into complacency, make assumptions, etc. etc. etc. 

It's so easy to do. 

What's not easy is looking beyond the immediate.  

Is it even possible to fully see if we come pre-programmed with years of conditioning, biases, and opinions?

After all, personal history directly impacts world view. My interpretation of the world is no one else's truth but my own. And of course, your interpretation is uniquely yours.

When we come together, it's so much easier if we work from a compassionate, loving, open, and communicative playbook. Then at least we can help each other draw—if not the right conclusion—then at least a pretty decent one. Because 2 (and more) heads are better than one.

Here's some insight from the brilliant Albert Einstein:

"A human being is part of the whole called by us 'the universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.

This delusion is kind of a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. 

Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening the circle of understanding and compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

Traces Left Behind / Finding the Right Track

A happy "little" at Big Brothers Big Sisters' annual picnic

We pass down so much more to our children than just genetic makeup like eye or hair color. We also pass on habits, modes of being, and even ways of viewing the world.

The term “transgenerational inheritance” means we literally pass on our burdens biologically. Studies show that a trauma survivor (like a Holocaust survivor for example) has a greater probability of passing on a gene mutation that inhibits serotonin production. Serotonin is a hormone popularly associated with happiness, and an imbalance could lead to depression. It may be hard to believe, but even symptoms of PTSD are inheritable.

Children are so impressionable. Character traits are inheritable too. Ever notice how children are sponges to glances, gestures, and words? They most likely don't understand the complex reasons behind it, but they still mimic the behavior because it's the status quo.

Volunteering with Big Brothers BigSisters has opened my eyes to the impact adults have on children. There's a little boy in the program whose father was incarcerated. Before joining Big Brothers Big Sisters, Adam thought he was destined for the same fate. Like father, like son, so to speak. But after bonding with a positive mentor in the program, Adam now has a new lease on life! His Big Brother showed him that he is in command of charting his own destiny. And Adam wants to repay the favor by becoming a big brother too one day.

Children in Big Brothers Big Sisters were at one time labeled by the school system as “at-risk.” Were they inherently destined for failure? Not at all. They just needed a helping hand.

It takes a lot of strength to build resilience. I guess after a lot of doors closing shut, it's hard to believe that there's an open door waiting somewhere. In order to muster up the courage needed to find it, you have to first realize that it even exists.

Natural philosopher Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said,

"Treat people as if they were

what they ought to be

and you help them to become

what they are capable of being."

In other words, never lower your expectations of people. That's why I'm dedicated to holding myself and our society to a higher standard. In order for our society to advance in a positive direction, we need to ask tough questions: How to break the cycle of poverty? How to end abuse? How to empower at-risk children? Is it possible to decrease the amount of suffering in the world?

Many people blow these questions off. They think they aren't worth asking because the answers are impossible. But I bet no one in the 17^th century ever thought it would be possible to go to the moon.

One of my favorite songs is John Lennon's Imagine:

“Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say

I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say

I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one

I hope some day you'll join us

And the world will live as one”

In this song, Lennon reveals an ultimate truth: the first step toward greatness is first imagining that greatness is possible. I can see a future world where we encourage sharing, giving, and cooperation. I can feel a world where every child is taught to believe in themselves.

I started this blog talking about inheriting pain, but I'll end it by trying to pass on a little beauty. A better way is possible. It starts with each of us. When we hold ourselves and each other to a higher standard, we give a great gift to the next generation.

When faced with a choice, always choose love. Choose to inherit love, and choose to pass it on.

Watch Samsara and Baraka

I just watched the non-narrative film Samsara directed by Ron Fricke.

There is no plot, no storyline, no actors.

I can only describe it as a visual journey that inspires the imagination and thinking.  And it's absolutely stunning.

Watch it, and you'll be shown the world in a new way...a way that might even reinvigorate your perception of it. 

While waiting for it to arrive at a theater near you, check out Fricke's first documentary Baraka online for free. It has a slightly different theme, but I'll leave it up to you to make the comparison. 

Inner Strength trumps Outer Judgment

Photo: Mauricio Alejo

Putting my thoughts out there via this blog can sometimes feel a little daunting. It makes them real, out on an open platter for criticism or judgment. And I blush when I think about coworkers or boyfriends reading these very words.

Of course I want to put my best face forward.

Of course I want to be accepted by the people I care about.

Humans are taught social norms and expected behaviors; we often put on masks to showcase our ideal selves.

But you know what?

When it comes down to it, I don't really care. I won't let fear stop me from believing what I believe or saying what I think should be said.

Out of 7 billion people, there has got to be at least one person who feels the same way I do. And I find strength thinking about the shared human experience. The shared struggles, as well as the shared joys. When you think about all the humans deceased, living, and yet to be born... it makes my personal moments of insecurity seem like an insignificant tear drop in a vast sea.

Really, now who doesn't have complex issues to deal with? Who doesn't face pressure, expectations, unmet desires, or bumps along the road?

I ask you, reader, how do you live a life full of hope and joy, versus collapsing under the weight of so many expectations? For me, I think if I can accept my own flaws, then I can accept the flaws of others. If I can accept others, then I can accept the situations around us. If I can accept uncertainty, then I can focus on finding stable ground. I can allocate my energy toward being healthy, thinking clearly, and learning from the situation.

This is how I try to ground myself when I find myself being an emotional nutcase...when I start doubting myself or who I am:

• I write. Writing is what sets my heart on fire. It's how I express my thoughts and is my emotional release. What are your life passions? Is it math or painting or soccer or playing the guitar? Whatever allows you to relax into your own skin is always worth doing again and again. How else will you feel connected to your most passionate desires?
• I reminisce. I do this best by remembering myself as a child. I distinctly remember the 12 year old me--a hyper, free-spirited bookworm in a sunflower dress. When classmates teased me for being nerdy, my parents told me, “Bianca, one day you won't even remember their names.” By golly, mom and dad were right. I can wear that sunflower dress in a bigger size now.
• I affirm. That means shower myself with the encouragement I need. I have to believe in myself first, because if I don't... then who will? "You can do it, Bianca!"
• I remind. It might sound cheesy, but I wrote down my personal mission statement. I re-read it whenever I need to remember my life's purpose.
• I repeat "what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger." It's a popular adage for good reason.

Emotional strength is a muscle.

We have to nurture resilience so in tumultuous times, when probed and prodded by difficult challenges, we have a strong foundation.

Challenges test us and ask, "Who are you?"

Find strength in the answer.

Our future selves will be very proud for spitting back the answer with tenacity and purpose.


----

Clear Vision

My buds at Rivet & Sway launched their site today. I adore their eyeware, so when they asked me to model glasses for them, I jumped at the chance.

One particular pair (Kairos) has a special place in my heart because of it's description—it's so suitable for Gentle Lift. Let me share it with you:

What a concept – Kairos.

Wikipedia says:

"Kairos was central to the Sophists, who stressed the rhetor's ability to adapt to and take advantage of changing, contingent circumstances. In Panathenaicus, Isocrates writes that educated people are 'those who manage well the circumstances which they encounter day by day, and who possess a judgment which is accurate in meeting occasions as they arise and rarely misses the expedient course of action."

Love the concept of rising to the occasion. In my line of work, I encounter complex challenges on a daily basis. As I try to navigate unchartered territory, stress doesn't enter the equation. My mantra is simply "assess the situation as it unfolds." My confidence comes from my team because I know we'll find success if we try our best to understand. Yes, there's learning, yes, there's knowledge. But the most important goal is understanding.

Understand what exactly? To quote author David Wallechinsky, “Behind every scientific discovery, every engineering feat, every movie, every song or work of art, and every historical event are human beings. The human beings, real people just like the ones we see every day, achieved their results by thinking, working, and consulting with others.” I think it's a pretty darn useful to seek to understand other people, as well as our selves. It means understanding the world around us, and the world inside.

How? By opening our eyes and asking the right questions. Sorta like a pair of glasses. Our vision tends to blur over time with age. But we wear corrective lenses. Our trusty glasses can put the world into focus and we then see things we never dreamed possible.

Why the effort? Because, we are faced with so many choices. Clear vision helps gives us the power to select the best course of action given the situation at hand. The the value of clarity is a positive result.

Anyway, this post's call to action is not to buy glasses (although you could do that too). It's to explore the world around us, ask questions, and never lose our childish curiosity. That's why I try to study other religions, cultures, histories. It's the only way to understand this crazy beautiful world and the crazy beautiful people in it.

And yes, I do firmly believe we should all look hella stylish doing it. Check out Rivet & Sway. ;) 

It's Perceiving Time

How do we perceive the passage of time?

There's no quantum leap from childhood to adulthood. We experience millisecond after millisecond...even right...

NOW.

How we visually imagine the continual flow of those seconds can invoke a wide range of emotion. Busy people think time moves too fast. Some people feel time speeding up or slowing down by life stage. And a ticking clock often symbolizes deadlines, due dates, or new beginnings. 

Can we truly define the nature of time? Einstein said, "People like us who believe in physics know that the distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubborn persistent illusion."

Only one thing is certain: how we feel about it, how we interpret it, and how we spend it varies by person and by culture.

Are you ready to explore the illusion?

If yes, then fire up some candles, turn off the lights, get comfortable. Listen to this radio segment called the "Time Kaleidoscope."

Seattle's Weather: Rainy with a Chance of Gloom

Seattle's weather is downright predictable. It's cloudy, rainy and cold year round. And what's equally as predictable is everyone's reaction to it...especially right now as the Spring sun starts poking through, teasing us with kayak wishes and barbecue dreams. 

Naturally because it's top of mind, it instantly becomes the most popular conversation topic.

“Howya been?”

“Oh, man....this weather...”

or

“What are you doing Saturday?”

“Well, if it wasn't for this weather...”

I never know how to react because I love the weather and would rather talk about how refreshing it is, or how the plants are so green and lush. 

But my cheer usually doesn't go over well, so I've learned just to change the topic. The success rate depends on who I'm speaking with. 

After much observation, I've pinpointed the top 4 Seattle-weather-complaining-types:

• Bubbling Ragers- They take the weather personally, and they are very angry about it.

• Awkward Pause Filllers- They can't think of anything else to say. We've all been there.

• Delicate Flowers- These people are very sensitive to all external forces, the weather being one of many.

• SAD Pandas-Victims of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Warning signs include pasty skin and dark under eye shadows. Rarely seen because often hibernating.

It's fascinating that there are so many ways to hate the weather, yet it's the bond that all Seatteites share.

I don't want to complain about complaining, but let me share what comes to mind when people start ranting and raving: in human relations, there is a continuum of quid pro quo. Everyone has an effect on someone else, just like a skipping stone sends ripples across the water. If positivity and negativity are both contagious, what are we spreading when we start bitching about the skies?

Besides, it's not like Mother Nature can respond in a meaningful way anyway... Well, unless you've got the money to seed the clouds.

Yes, Seattleites, we do have the right to talk about whatever we want, and yes, I support you getting it off your chest. But I also want to remind everyone that this is one of the most literate U.S. cities AND there are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language. Oh, imagine the convos that could be had!

The clouds may suck, but being a little proactive to satisfy personal needs could go a long way. We have to make sure we are getting the right amount of sleep, exercise, fresh air, and socializing to prevent SAD.  It's up to the individual to root out how to ease the pain—like planning a tropical island getaway, or maybe throwing an indoor luau...in which case I hope I get an invitation. ;)

Rainy or not—every day is a new day. There's only one chance to make it count.

P.S. LOVE this picture Gloom from redditor pentium4borg [karma].

NOW is the Time

The year end holidays are the most opportune time to express our love. What better moment than this to dig deep and pick up the phone?

It might be hard - people are busy, it might be awkward, we might not know what to say.

But in the grand scheme of things, those little doubts, fears and worries are insignificant.  I recently received tragic news from my best friend. Her little niece passed away without warning. When I heard, I was numb from shock. No words can express the pain or grief. And instead of answers, we are just left with questions.

 Death is life's most sobering lesson. My mind keeps going back to a song by The Flaming Lips called "Do You Realize?" Give it a listen and you'll hear the lyrics:

"Do you realize - that everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good times last.
You realize the sun doesn't go down
it's an illusion caused by the world spinning round."

I'm not trying to put a damper on the cheery holiday season, but I need to put things into perspective. During the  holidays, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to cherish these moments with every fiber within our beings.

 In memory of my friend's niece, our little angel, let's honor life through love.

Whoever we spend these holidays with - make it count. The same goes for anyone spending the holidays "alone" - you are not alone, you are with yourself. And you, yourself, should be equally as cherished.

 NOW is the time to say "I love you." Let's open our hearts and find the love and then verbalize it. Let's say it to our families, our friends, to ourselves in the mirror. Let's say it to whoever we can. While we can.

If today were the first and last day of your life...

Celebrate Thanksgiving by watching this beautiful TED talk from Louie Schwartzberg.

There's an inspiring quote I'll be mulling over as I share a delicious meal with friends, "If you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well."

A Postcard from the Crossroads

Doubt is good. It makes us step back and re-evaluate. It forces a pause so we either move forward with confidence or take a detour.

Thanks to doubt, I am now at my own personal fork in the road. Almost like clockwork, it marks my fifth year in Seattle and is a couple years shy of turning thirty. So I'm taking time out to figure out what my next move will be. Should I stay or should I go? Tough to answer because my late twenties has brought renewed perspective. 


It's odd...young adulthood can be liberating or stressful. We're free to do as we please, yet under societal pressure to establish the rest of our lives: find someone to love, start a career, buy a home, have kids.

I'm focusing on my career and postponing "settling down" for as long as I can (to my parent's disappointment), but I wonder...When did you realize you were no longer an adolescent but a full-fledged adult? I don't think having a family or buying a house has anything to do with it. It has more to do with when you realize that time is finite. Teenagers think they're immortal; adults want to make every moment count.

It's funny how tradition dictates we celebrate Sweet 16 or Quinceañera when the age 30 shift is waaaay more a coming of age. It's when we ask, “What have I done so far in my life? Where do I go from here? Is this the right direction? Am I being authentic to myself?”

Thankfully age is just a number. People have and will continue to shift careers, find true love, or establish families at any age, even late in life. But it takes courage to reassess your life and change direction along the way.

I cherish the privilege to set my own course and while I can't predict where it may lead, I am inspired to travel it. And above all, I look forward to affirming that path (or changing it) at the crossroads.

our big (and small) space

We’re creatures of habit, consumed by routine, heads down until there’s a reason to look up. But just look up at the night sky. There’s nothing quite like it to put things into perspective and make a person feel very insignificant.

I’m currently addicted to space documentaries. I’m amazed by the scientists who try to figure out how this whole mystery works. Humans have an amazing gift—the curiosity and capability to learn about our world and our place in it.

Ironically the more we know, the more we realize we don’t know. And the few answers we have only lead to more questions. Black holes? Dark matter? Multiverses? Do we have an infinite number of selves repeating actions endlessly through time or hovering millimeters invisibly away?

It’s like we’re small children observing the nursery, making assumptions based on our limited perspective and discovering the unexpected. Obviously our quest for knowledge won’t be over anytime soon.

When it comes down to it, we are at least the center of our own universe. I guess we’re both—small and big at the same time—small in the context of the universe, but big in the story of our lives. And thus we transcend any notion about time and space.

So size doesn’t really matter now, does it? It’s just a matter of perspective. 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Amazingly, surgeons replaced a woman’s larynx allowing her to independently speak, breathe and smell after more than a decade. Her gratitude in the story inspired me. She said, "It's just been a really, really unbelievable experience smelling freshly cut grass. The air, breathing the air. Taking your garbage out—that's a real good smell."

I can totally relate. Back in July I had a painful eye injury that left me blind for 2 weeks. The ordeal made me realize: 

• How I had taken my vision (and my whole health) for granted
• The amazing capabilities of the human body
• That medical science is the bomb
• My friends  and family are amazing, and how dependent I am upon their love and support
• That it's not the end of the world if I were to lose my vision. Sure, I would have to re-learn how to live and function, but I could and would readjust. 

Talk about a reset—any other little worries or anxieties I had before the accident instantly disappeared with new context. And even now just being able to see the words I write at this very moment overwhelms me. It’s amazing to stop taking things for granted.

All of this reminds me of another article on how time speeds up as we get older for the very same reason—we start taking things for granted. As a kid, when things happen for the first time, they are new and novel and we pause to soak in the magnificence. As desensitized adults, we allow things to start passing us by.

My favorite philosopher Krishnamurti touches on this topic very nicely in one of his speeches. He said, “Awaken all your senses to their highest degree so that you look at the world with all your senses… Man has become dull through repetition, through tradition, through the oppression…You have gradually lost all sensitivity, all energy to create…[To have] the drive, the beauty, one must have great sensitivity. You cannot have great sensitivity if every sense is not fully functioning, fully aware.”

So just how would waking all of your senses affect you? How would looking at everything around you with renewed appreciation change your life? For me, I’ve found a lot of benefit in re-evaluating my world…and it’s simply added perspective that brings positivity and energy.  

The challenge is just how to stop taking the things for granted. When I asked myself how can I personally become fully conscious, I remembered that song lyric, “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.” So for those of you blessed with the following, here’s an exercise to help cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

• Vision: What would your life be like without eyes? Who would you miss seeing among your family or friends? What visual treats—art, sunsets, movies, puppies, would you miss most?
• Speech: What if you couldn't say "I love you?"
• Smell: What smells of people, food, or nature would you yearn for?
• Hearing: What sounds/music/voices would you miss most?
• Mobility: How would not having hands or legs affect you?

And remember that if any of these things were to happen, your life wouldn’t be over, you would be reborn. You would view the world with new perspective.