Planning for a Rainy Day

I heard a story on the radio today. To summarize for you:

After two miscarriages and a severely complicated pregnancy that ended in abortion, a woman gave up.  It was a devastating experience to share with her husband.  One minute filled with hope as a mother-to-be, the next…overwhelmed with empty grief. And she couldn’t take it anymore. So she and her husband decided to accept life sans children.

With time, they began to focus on their new life as a childless couple—going to happy hours, hosting dinner parties, planning exotic vacations.

And then totally unplanned (even on the pill)…she got pregnant.

You’d think she’d be happy, right? No. She was angry.

She went to a therapist to dissect the anger and said, “I’m upset because this pregnancy wasn’t in the plan.”

To which her therapist replied, “What are plans really, but figments of our imagination? People make plans to give themselves the illusion that they can control the unknown. But each moment unravels regardless of your plans.”

This made her think of her past plans. All the past plans that she had made for her deceased children never came to fruition and she couldn’t handle it. It was hard to let go. In the end, she did give birth and before I turned off the radio she said, “Loss makes you appreciate what you have.”

---------------------------------------------------------------

For me, this story perfectly captures pain’s complex power.

People make plans to avoid pain and become happy. I acknowledge that planning is a survival skill that works in my favor—it helps me prepare for the winter or plan for my future.

But can planning also work against me? If I get lost in planning and define my life in terms of milestones, how could I ever truly enjoy the present? There’s got to be balance between planning for success and then letting go of expectations.

Now switch it up.  Say I undergo great loss and am suffering like the woman in the radio segment. The last thing I would ever want to do is fully embrace the moment. I mean, if the moment is painful who wants to fully absorb that?

But when you deny the moment and the pain, those feelings don’t just go away….they end up manifesting in other areas of your life.  They affect your relationships, your health, your sleep, your well-being.  

Frankly, I became a lot happier the moment I decided to live day by day. Whether that day is peaceful or painful, that doesn’t matter to me because it just IS. And there’s always beauty to be seen.