Keeping it Real

I have selfish reasons for wanting you to be satisfied with the life you're living. It’s my belief system that the world is a better place when its inhabitants are content and fulfilled. Especially because we all affect this world and the people in it: our ideas spread like wildfire and our actions affect the ecosystem. I think the old adage, “To each his own” should be tweaked to “To each his own  and then some.”  

We play two roles, first as individuals and second as a part of the collective. I think it’s important to balance both perspectives and find harmony between the two. So in other words, determine our own paths as individuals with regard to how we impact the rest of the world. I think it starts with figuring out what “life satisfaction” means, and then figuring out the way to live a fulfilled life while making the rest of the world happy too.

Here’s a living breathing example. Klauus Thymann is a photographer who keeps it real—no digital retouching, no photo shopping. He says: “I’m a fashion photographer, but I won’t photograph girls who are too skinny or who look too young. You have to recognize you’re part of an opinion-making machine.”

I love this for more than a few reasons:

1.       He’s being conscientious about his values and refuses to sellout in order to make it big in the fashion industry. He’s taking a risk, but to him it’s a risk worth taking.

2.       He inspires me and others to re-think current views on beauty and the unhealthy state of the “opinion-making machine.” It is not okay to pressure models into anorexia, and look down upon normal sized women. Opinion-making machines are created, and can also be destroyed.

So who determines the status quo anyway? The most common way isn’t necessarily the right way, but it  starts with each of us. If we can all push ourselves to find win/win situations—ways to make yourself happy and people across the planet happy as well—then you have beaten the zero-sum game. You can be confident in yourself, your values, and your decisions regardless of the critics. 

Self reflection

Americans are busy. We’re busy because of our over-scheduled, hyper-networked lives. We’re under constant pressure to get things done and waging a constant war with ADD.

Tell me, what’s difference between being busy and being burned out?

I’m slowly learning that when I neglect what’s brewing inside, everything outside suffers. I’m not just talking about my productivity, but the stuff that really matters—like relationships, self-confidence and health.

Do we ever take the time to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “What the hell are my values, what are my emotional, material and intellectual needs?”  I’m talking about dropping the charade and looking past what we’ve been conditioned to believe. I’m talking about a good reckoning with the self.  

For many of us, this is easier said than done. And then when I think I've got it all figured out, I have to work hard to remind myself. 


There are so many distractions...I find it hard to focus on what I call my values (other may call it the spirit, the qi, the self). Call it whatever you want, but if we don't acknowledge it and explore it, we won't live our lives as fully as possible.

Our belief systems and our thoughts ultimately dictate our actions, priorities and how we live our lives. So if we suppress our thoughts or emotions (or even worse never figure out our belief systems in the first place) then what kind of life can we lead? Or should I say…whose life are we leading?

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Combat the Seattle Freeze with Vulnerability and Love

On the heels of Valentine’s Day, let’s celebrate love by watching this TEDx talk about vulnerability and human connection.  Basically, we gotta take risks and put ourselves out there if we want to get something back.

This principle applies to all aspirations—whether it’s deeper relationships, work success, or other personal goals—we need to overcome the negative voices in our heads and just go after it.

This all makes me think about the "Seattle Freeze." A term coined because Seattleites are supposedly superficially nice, but unwilling to make authentic connections. It impacts making friends and dating and is often blamed on seasonal affective disorder (SAD), the tech industry’s nerdy tendencies, and/or the Northwest’s cultural roots.

I’m not sure if the Seattle Freeze exists....(aren't people like that in any major city?) Those who buy into the Seattle Freeze are making the assumption that people are cold and I wonder about the placebo effect. If we approach people a predetermined mindset, are we signing off on our own destiny?

Being lonely is a natural human condition. When I moved to Seattle, I felt lonely. I spent the time I needed feeling sorry for myself and shed a few tears, but then I put together an action list. I outlined what kind of friends I hoped for, what kind of friend I wanted to be, and put together a plan to bridge my expectations to reality. And sure enough, it paid off.

Here’s how I continue to combat the Seattle Freeze:

1. Breaking the ice goes a long way. The awkwardness only exists in our heads. I'm usually the first to open up the conversation, and people usually reciprocate. And if not, they aren’t worth the time.
2. We have an unconscious bias to surround ourselves with people like us, but that limits opportunities. I talk to everyone, especially those who seem different because those friendships are often the most rewarding.
3. I smile when seeing people I recognize and am honest. Even though I'm forgetful, I always get a positive reaction when I say, “I know you, forgive me, but please remind me what your name is."

Yes, being loved means being vulnerable, but we’re all in the same boat so it's okay. The risks are worth it.

Maybe Math Ain't So Bad After All

Learning is not so much about obtaining new facts, but rather discovering new ways of thinking, or pushing yourself beyond what you already know.  

When lived in Taipei and studied Mandarin Chinese intensively, I never felt so mentally sharp and on. I guess my brain was working overtime being immersed and that forced me to adapt…quickly.  

Fast forward to now. I’m looking for a new way to stretch my mind. Instead of learning something new entirely, I’m toying with a different idea: push my math limits.

Yep, I’ve never been a math girl; I’m more of the creative type. I was just never motivated as a kid—it just always seemed so boring and unforgiving. I couldn’t stand the fact that you’re either right or wrong and that’s it.

But I’m starting to change my mind about math because of its role in physics. I love how scientists discovered planets similar to Earth by using a telescope and math (the radial velocity technique where they figure out the size and mass of a planet by alterations to its orbit due to gravity).

Math’s evolution is poetic. It took generations to build a foundation and then expand from there—and according to this Radio Lab, math is not innate. Someone first invented counting, and then someone else found negative numbers, and then came fractions, imaginary and irrational numbers and more. As society and our thinking evolved, so did mathematical patterns.  

Fast forward to now. We’re at the point of turning our heads toward space and finding new uses for math.  It’s all about pushing the boundaries of what we know, and looking at challenges with optimism. And that’s not boring at all.

So it’s hard to hate math like I used to. A little optimism and a good eraser make all the difference. 

our big (and small) space

We’re creatures of habit, consumed by routine, heads down until there’s a reason to look up. But just look up at the night sky. There’s nothing quite like it to put things into perspective and make a person feel very insignificant.

I’m currently addicted to space documentaries. I’m amazed by the scientists who try to figure out how this whole mystery works. Humans have an amazing gift—the curiosity and capability to learn about our world and our place in it.

Ironically the more we know, the more we realize we don’t know. And the few answers we have only lead to more questions. Black holes? Dark matter? Multiverses? Do we have an infinite number of selves repeating actions endlessly through time or hovering millimeters invisibly away?

It’s like we’re small children observing the nursery, making assumptions based on our limited perspective and discovering the unexpected. Obviously our quest for knowledge won’t be over anytime soon.

When it comes down to it, we are at least the center of our own universe. I guess we’re both—small and big at the same time—small in the context of the universe, but big in the story of our lives. And thus we transcend any notion about time and space.

So size doesn’t really matter now, does it? It’s just a matter of perspective. 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Amazingly, surgeons replaced a woman’s larynx allowing her to independently speak, breathe and smell after more than a decade. Her gratitude in the story inspired me. She said, "It's just been a really, really unbelievable experience smelling freshly cut grass. The air, breathing the air. Taking your garbage out—that's a real good smell."

I can totally relate. Back in July I had a painful eye injury that left me blind for 2 weeks. The ordeal made me realize: 

• How I had taken my vision (and my whole health) for granted
• The amazing capabilities of the human body
• That medical science is the bomb
• My friends  and family are amazing, and how dependent I am upon their love and support
• That it's not the end of the world if I were to lose my vision. Sure, I would have to re-learn how to live and function, but I could and would readjust. 

Talk about a reset—any other little worries or anxieties I had before the accident instantly disappeared with new context. And even now just being able to see the words I write at this very moment overwhelms me. It’s amazing to stop taking things for granted.

All of this reminds me of another article on how time speeds up as we get older for the very same reason—we start taking things for granted. As a kid, when things happen for the first time, they are new and novel and we pause to soak in the magnificence. As desensitized adults, we allow things to start passing us by.

My favorite philosopher Krishnamurti touches on this topic very nicely in one of his speeches. He said, “Awaken all your senses to their highest degree so that you look at the world with all your senses… Man has become dull through repetition, through tradition, through the oppression…You have gradually lost all sensitivity, all energy to create…[To have] the drive, the beauty, one must have great sensitivity. You cannot have great sensitivity if every sense is not fully functioning, fully aware.”

So just how would waking all of your senses affect you? How would looking at everything around you with renewed appreciation change your life? For me, I’ve found a lot of benefit in re-evaluating my world…and it’s simply added perspective that brings positivity and energy.  

The challenge is just how to stop taking the things for granted. When I asked myself how can I personally become fully conscious, I remembered that song lyric, “You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.” So for those of you blessed with the following, here’s an exercise to help cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

• Vision: What would your life be like without eyes? Who would you miss seeing among your family or friends? What visual treats—art, sunsets, movies, puppies, would you miss most?
• Speech: What if you couldn't say "I love you?"
• Smell: What smells of people, food, or nature would you yearn for?
• Hearing: What sounds/music/voices would you miss most?
• Mobility: How would not having hands or legs affect you?

And remember that if any of these things were to happen, your life wouldn’t be over, you would be reborn. You would view the world with new perspective.

Planning for a Rainy Day

I heard a story on the radio today. To summarize for you:

After two miscarriages and a severely complicated pregnancy that ended in abortion, a woman gave up.  It was a devastating experience to share with her husband.  One minute filled with hope as a mother-to-be, the next…overwhelmed with empty grief. And she couldn’t take it anymore. So she and her husband decided to accept life sans children.

With time, they began to focus on their new life as a childless couple—going to happy hours, hosting dinner parties, planning exotic vacations.

And then totally unplanned (even on the pill)…she got pregnant.

You’d think she’d be happy, right? No. She was angry.

She went to a therapist to dissect the anger and said, “I’m upset because this pregnancy wasn’t in the plan.”

To which her therapist replied, “What are plans really, but figments of our imagination? People make plans to give themselves the illusion that they can control the unknown. But each moment unravels regardless of your plans.”

This made her think of her past plans. All the past plans that she had made for her deceased children never came to fruition and she couldn’t handle it. It was hard to let go. In the end, she did give birth and before I turned off the radio she said, “Loss makes you appreciate what you have.”

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For me, this story perfectly captures pain’s complex power.

People make plans to avoid pain and become happy. I acknowledge that planning is a survival skill that works in my favor—it helps me prepare for the winter or plan for my future.

But can planning also work against me? If I get lost in planning and define my life in terms of milestones, how could I ever truly enjoy the present? There’s got to be balance between planning for success and then letting go of expectations.

Now switch it up.  Say I undergo great loss and am suffering like the woman in the radio segment. The last thing I would ever want to do is fully embrace the moment. I mean, if the moment is painful who wants to fully absorb that?

But when you deny the moment and the pain, those feelings don’t just go away….they end up manifesting in other areas of your life.  They affect your relationships, your health, your sleep, your well-being.  

Frankly, I became a lot happier the moment I decided to live day by day. Whether that day is peaceful or painful, that doesn’t matter to me because it just IS. And there’s always beauty to be seen.

Go to the corner

Remember when taking timeout used to be a punishment? In third grade, fun resulted in a frown, a demerit, and a lonely corner. 

Now at 28, I revel in a simple timeout. Sometimes after work, I take 10 minutes to sit on a pillow on the floor in my room's corner. It’s a strange form of punishment—to sit there and do nothing. It's almost like I'm back in the third grade. 

But those timeouts make the rest of my day better. My mood better. 

Why?

Sure, there are MANY factors at play... having to do with psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, biology, wellness, consciousness. 

But almost none of the logical explanations really matter to me, because it just IS. 

And thus the inspiration for this blog. I feel extremely lucky because I am uncovering for myself what "living in the moment", "authentic living," "being present" exactly means to me. And I'm realizing the more I make the time—to timeout—the more I feel at peace with myself and my life. 

My friends describe me as an optimist, a happy-go-lucky gal.  My boss Joe once said, "If we could just bottle up whatever is in your brain and sell it, we could be very rich people." I take those as huge compliments.

I just learned the more love I put out, the more love I get back. It's been life changing to have so many amazing, interesting and inspiring people around me in support. So I’m embarking on a journey to learn more about the art of living life. And I want to share it with the people around me—not to support me, but maybe to offer support outward.

Interconnectedness through joie de vivre? Sounds possible to me.