endless opportunities / finite time

Readers, I've neglected Gentlelift.

I've neglected my life passion--connecting to the world via writing.

Sad because there's something personally therapeutic about exposing the innermost thoughts of my conscious. Pulling out the ideas from the bottom of my soul and sharing them with whoever dares to care.  

To some it may seem voyeuristic. To me, it feels like I'm just bringing to light something we've all thought once before or might be turning over already in the backs of our mind.

Some people say it's better to leave things unsaid...

But now, based on personal experience at work, transparency is truly the fasted method toward progress. 

Two heads are better than one, right? 

And what if even more?

Just imagine the possibilities when brilliant minds unite.

OK, so I feel I owe an explanation as to my whereabouts: work, love, distractions, attachments, etc. etc.  

I can make valid excuses.

The main (classic) excuse being that there's only so much time in the day.

Yes, we have a finite amount of time. Which means the decision as to how to spend that finite amount of time becomes immensely important.

So important, that sometimes people shut down and avoid it altogether.

Why else would people waste so much time arguing, worrying, running around in circles...? When there are miracles to behold and endless opportunities to pursue. Or maybe there's no pursuit at all because you've already attained what you've always had from the start.

So fast forward, 

and at the end we might reflect on how we spent this time.

Maybe it was time spent writing, or running, or watching sunsets, or looking deeply into someone's eyes, or striving for perfection, or writing blogs?

But at least it was time spent together, 

with me writing these words and you reading them. 

As long as it was also spent smiling, 

laughing, 

reconnecting, 

and living life to whatever you deem to be the fullest. 

And digging down deep into one's soul and pulling out whatever might need to be pulled out. 

Hopefully it was spent loving all life's creatures, and feeling grateful for being alive!

was it spent...

was it spent well....

was it spent willfully well... ?

NOW is the Time

The year end holidays are the most opportune time to express our love. What better moment than this to dig deep and pick up the phone?

It might be hard - people are busy, it might be awkward, we might not know what to say.

But in the grand scheme of things, those little doubts, fears and worries are insignificant.  I recently received tragic news from my best friend. Her little niece passed away without warning. When I heard, I was numb from shock. No words can express the pain or grief. And instead of answers, we are just left with questions.

 Death is life's most sobering lesson. My mind keeps going back to a song by The Flaming Lips called "Do You Realize?" Give it a listen and you'll hear the lyrics:

"Do you realize - that everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good times last.
You realize the sun doesn't go down
it's an illusion caused by the world spinning round."

I'm not trying to put a damper on the cheery holiday season, but I need to put things into perspective. During the  holidays, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to cherish these moments with every fiber within our beings.

 In memory of my friend's niece, our little angel, let's honor life through love.

Whoever we spend these holidays with - make it count. The same goes for anyone spending the holidays "alone" - you are not alone, you are with yourself. And you, yourself, should be equally as cherished.

 NOW is the time to say "I love you." Let's open our hearts and find the love and then verbalize it. Let's say it to our families, our friends, to ourselves in the mirror. Let's say it to whoever we can. While we can.

Can Irrational Love be Rationalized?

Sometimes, love doesn’t make any sense.

Have you ever fallen in love so deeply that common sense flew out the window?  Were you able to tame your emotions? Or restrain your actions?

 

Based on personal experience, giving into whim and riding the whirlwind can be fun. But now after all the heartache I’ve found or caused, I’ve finally learned how to love intentionally. I don’t mean forcing love... the most rewarding love can cross our paths when we least expect it. I’m talking about being intentional about who you commit to. And deliberately sustaining that love with conscious choice. 

   

There’s a passage from a Psychology Today article that’s been burned into my memory:

"Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. [But] evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others."

So true. We face difficult choices every day—and decisions of the heart are often clouded by emotion. Why is it that we spend so much time thinking about careers or investments, but then settle with the first person that meets the bare minimum requirements? For me love is less about  serendipity than it is about exploring my own cognitive, emotional, and physical needs. Only when I fully knew myself was I finally able to navigate a crowd and wisely pick the person who is—not perfect—but perfect for me.

And I’m learning that when the dynamic between two people syncs up, it makes sustaining that love easier and worthwhile. It took a pause and a series of continual pauses—a pause to discern the right person from the wrong, and continued pauses to choose the right behaviors over the detrimental. It may require more effort in the interim, but can make all the difference between a life of happiness and a life of misery.

Love is a mystery. It can’t be explained, and I wouldn’t dare try. All I know is there will be a day when my life comes to an end and I want to have loved my partner as passionately as possible. As The Head and the Heart touchingly put it, “Just wanna die with the one I love beside me.” 

Combat the Seattle Freeze with Vulnerability and Love

On the heels of Valentine’s Day, let’s celebrate love by watching this TEDx talk about vulnerability and human connection.  Basically, we gotta take risks and put ourselves out there if we want to get something back.

This principle applies to all aspirations—whether it’s deeper relationships, work success, or other personal goals—we need to overcome the negative voices in our heads and just go after it.

This all makes me think about the "Seattle Freeze." A term coined because Seattleites are supposedly superficially nice, but unwilling to make authentic connections. It impacts making friends and dating and is often blamed on seasonal affective disorder (SAD), the tech industry’s nerdy tendencies, and/or the Northwest’s cultural roots.

I’m not sure if the Seattle Freeze exists....(aren't people like that in any major city?) Those who buy into the Seattle Freeze are making the assumption that people are cold and I wonder about the placebo effect. If we approach people a predetermined mindset, are we signing off on our own destiny?

Being lonely is a natural human condition. When I moved to Seattle, I felt lonely. I spent the time I needed feeling sorry for myself and shed a few tears, but then I put together an action list. I outlined what kind of friends I hoped for, what kind of friend I wanted to be, and put together a plan to bridge my expectations to reality. And sure enough, it paid off.

Here’s how I continue to combat the Seattle Freeze:

1. Breaking the ice goes a long way. The awkwardness only exists in our heads. I'm usually the first to open up the conversation, and people usually reciprocate. And if not, they aren’t worth the time.
2. We have an unconscious bias to surround ourselves with people like us, but that limits opportunities. I talk to everyone, especially those who seem different because those friendships are often the most rewarding.
3. I smile when seeing people I recognize and am honest. Even though I'm forgetful, I always get a positive reaction when I say, “I know you, forgive me, but please remind me what your name is."

Yes, being loved means being vulnerable, but we’re all in the same boat so it's okay. The risks are worth it.